He first saw her during the lunch break. She had just joined the school and was in the class junior to his.  A thin creature, nothing special about her – not worth a second look. Racing to the grounds to catch a few hectic minutes of cricket, he put her from his mind.

Until the school talent competitions. He rendered his song before the packed hall, confident in his ability to get first place. After all, he had been the singing champ since he joined school. He saw her walking to the mike as he joined the audience. And then she sang.

It was like nothing he had ever heard before. He had never heard anyone singing so well. She was totally involved, eyes shut tight and her facial expressions matching the words. He joined the applause, with admiration tinged with a little envy. In his mind, he knew she deserved the prize. Still, the needling of his peers did bother him a bit.

After that, school suddenly became a much more interesting place to go to. Once he plucked up enough courage to talk to her, he realized that she was a quite friendly girl. No tantrums or hang-ups. She seemed to like to talk to him too.

This was definitely not first love. It was not even infatuation. He didn’t have dreams about rescuing her from leering villains, riding through blazing bonfires on a white charger. Such dreams were reserved for various other female denizens of that temple of juvenile learning.

Yet, he didn’t feel happy when she talked to someone else even for a few minutes. It felt like she was ignoring him. However, ever the diplomat, he made sure that she didn’t get any of these disturbing vibes – or so he thought. Once, when she accepted a sweet from his friend and not one that he had been saving in his pocket for her, he felt a sharp pang of pain. But it soon passed.

He reveled in the triumphs they shared, singing together in inter-school competitions. He enjoyed visiting her house and meeting her parents. He took pleasure in the fact that they were so friendly to him.

He didn’t find it difficult to leave the school at all. When he said farewell to her while she scribbled drivel in his autograph book, it didn’t hurt at all. He was sure he would see her again.

He did. This was in college, where he was happy tasting the pleasures of adolescent madness. When she joined the college, he was busy juggling his various amours in various classes. One of these flames was in her class and a pal of hers. Whenever he tried to talk to her, she would be amidst a group of giggling girls, including her friend, so that made it difficult for him to talk to her. Inherently shy despite his public image as an extrovert, he wasted many chances to renew the bond between them. It didn’t matter. He wasn’t in love with her, after all.

In later years, fast approaching middle age, his thoughts would dwell on her once in a while. He had never got to terms with his feelings regarding her. She wasn’t an old flame. She wasn’t just a friend too. He felt no deep ache of longing, all he wanted was news. And none was forthcoming. It was as if she had vanished.

And then the other day, he logged on to his e-mail account and found a message from an unknown sender. She had found him in a web school community and wanted to know whether he remembered her. As if he could forget.

And suddenly, the net became a much more interesting place to go to.

In chat, they caught up with each other’s lives. Both were now married with spouses and kids they loved. Both had had their share of personal tragedies.

At first, the conversation was stilted. But then the words began to flow. He confessed his schoolboy feelings to her and they had a good laugh about it. Her hurt in his keeping aloof in college was assuaged. They could now joke about the past, it wasn’t so poignant any more.

His mind was now at ease. He had finally analysed what his feeling for her were. Not First Love. Not a mere Crush. You could call her his First Crush.

You never know when Life decides to make you happy. Enjoy it while you can, because most of the time it prefers to keep you guessing.